Who drives your life-car? Society? You? God?

Without a settled job and student status, twenties can be the most absurd period of your life.

(Me)

I graduated last year, my name is getting longer with a quite bias title.

I make money from here and there, no settled job, but not quite unemployed.

I am twenties.

(Please, not the late twenties, it is still early.)

Yet, this early-twenties period starts to make me think, I mean "more seriously" think about what will I become in the future.

This is Indonesia, this is Java, this is a suburb, the place where I live.

My neighborhood consists of highly traditional people with strong hold on tradition and cliches, conservatives. Not that I hate it. Globalization somehow fades the native values and traditions, which I think, some are still necessary and worthy.

What I don't particularly agree is that, sometimes people judge the other people merely based on the standards and values they have or they used to.

Take an example, I am a (beautiful) girl of twenties who have graduated from college, been able to earn simple living, and had a boyfriend who lives independently. What a perfect condition for marriage! So they say.

These simple facts I don't deny them right, but it's too simple. There is only too little parameter here (age, education, and money). What about dream? What about the other possible entities that may show up later? It is not that I belittle the simplicity or purity of traditional marriage based on love, I do respect that. I admire the courage and bravery of those who have committed to marry under uncertainties that they promise to face together. But isn't it a matter of choice? Some people just do not choose the latter case.

Another example, a boy tries to reach his dream to be a musician, an artist, a star. But just because it does not give certain income, like civil servant, people just keep sneering at the dream. Doubting the seriousness and questioning the faith of the boy. 

There have been enough saying that money can't buy us happiness and I am one in the skeptical side actually. I do believe money is necessary for happiness, but the thing is that it isn't the only thing for happiness. Doctor is great, police officer is good, teacher is awesome, and musician is questioned? Isn't it a matter of choice? Some people just choose different thing to do and to fight for. 

I have some friends who are doubting their existence in the society. People keep pestering them to do something they don't like or aren't ready. It is indirect, though. Contagious gossip, evil sarcasm, threatening jokes...I start to learn that tongue is indeed sharper than blade.

In a reflection to find peace, in the middle of doubting voices, I ask myself, "who drives your car?"

A religious statement will be "follow the path that God has chosen it to you." A rather-atheist counterpart will be "you are the master of your future." Following the socialism rule there will be a "your environment will lead you to choose the way."

I am not that religious to deeply search for the voice of God that says, which path should I choose. I am not that proud not to trust any deity, which I believe still there. I cannot deny that the environmental contribution with which I have been raised builds my perspective about future.

So, the driver of my car.....I think it should be an entity with multiple personalities.

It should have a deity element with the right proportion of social intervention controlled by precise confidence to balance all the factors than influences any decision.  

I won't just pray.

I won't just work hard.

I won't just believe what people talk.

Delicious ingredients I think. 

So who drives your life-car?